Monday, July 19, 2010

Interest In Cuckolding Is A Display Of Low Value

Please enjoy the bunnies in the cups
A reader question...

Your post today was very interesting. I do not watch a lot of porn, but I do read quite a bit. Mostly I do this at Literotica.com.

A significant minority of the stories there are in the 'cuckold' vein. Husbands wanting to watch their wife have sex with another man, cheating wives, husbands forced to watch their wives having sex with another man. I find these stories excite me also and that bothers me because I wouldn't want that to happen in real life. I kind of think of it like a woman who has a 'rape' fantasy; they wouldn't want that to happen in real life either.

Still, I wonder if it is unhealthy, and if so, if there is something I can do about it or if I am just doomed to be a Beta male


This is a large topic in and of itself. Basically the turn on is quite real and stems from the sperm competition dynamic. So you are biologically programmed on some level to sexually respond to this fantasy. So it's "normal".

The problem comes from the endless repeating of the cuckold scenario and what starts as a biological drive to defend against someone impregnating your wife starts turning into a psychological imprinting as you build up a taste for it. Human sexuality is quite trainable. If for example you read erotica and porn where someone blew up a balloon and popped it as part of the story, the first time would probably do nothing to you, but after hundreds of viewings you would probably start finding balloons and popping balloons an increasing turn on. Eventually you couldn't become turned on without the balloons available.

The solution is simply to stop repeating the stimulation and find a different sexual outlet.

In terms of having a wife and actual relationship where you start moving into a cuckold lifestyle, it usually ends one of two ways. Either she stops doing it and life continues on... and quite likely worse for the wear. Or she just leaves her husband for someone with a higher sex rank. It's fairly random too, she could bang five different guys and it's all just exciting fun for her and she bounces home to hubby all happy... then number six just floats her boat and it's the writing on the wall for hubby. If you're a 6 with a 7 wife encouraging her to have sex with a 9 is just a recipe for instant disaster.

I'm sure you get that cuckolding is possibly the worst of all Beta behaviors. Asking your wife to sleep with another man is a Display of Low Value. My suggestion is to fight it off as best you can and retrain yourself to enjoy other sexuality expressions. I do get that it is much easier to say than do.

I did love reading Penthouse Letters for many years so understand the basic concept and appeal. Since stopping I've more easily upped my Alpha traits and Jennifer responds to me much better.

It's not as hopeless as you think it might be. At least not as hopeless as trying to find an image that fits the post topic but doesn't have a XXX rating. Hence the bunnies in the cups.
Posted by at 10:42 PM
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12 comments:

  1. Do you really think we can retrain our sexuality? I thought you thought our preferences were natural?
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  2. So what if your wife likes the idea of being with 2 men, and is eager to do it in real life? How do I stamp that thought out of her head, "retrain her" as you say?
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  3. "I wonder if it is unhealthy, and if so, if there is something I can do about it or if I am just doomed to be a Beta male"
    It's a sexual thing, it has nothing to do with your overall personality, so to speak. Everybody has their perversions. You're not a beta because of watching/reading a particular kind of porn.

    It would only affect your life (or sex rank) if you'd try to ask your LTR to do it. That is a DLV of sorts. You'd have to compensate it with DHVs. And you're in shit if your LTR thinks she can get a man of higher rank than you comitted to her... So it's imperative that you display a higher sex rank than hers, and if at all possible higher rank than her lovers.
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  4. Anon, retraining others is nearly impossible, even moreso if you don't want to end up in prison, and not much fun either way.
    I don't want to frighten you but a common trait in people is that if they can't do something with the blessing of others, they still do it but behind their backs.
    I'm not suggesting you "should" let her do it, but it is an option, and you're much better off if you have control over the situation. At the minimum you can be one of the 2 men :)
    And speaking from experience, it can be fun. Just make it clear to everybody beforehand that guys do NOT touch each other if you're not into that sort of thing :]
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  5. We certainly have a basic blueprint of sexual interest that seems from biology, but there is also a socially constructed overlay to that as well.

    So I don't see a training plan ever working that is going to change someone from gay to straight, but certainly some of the variances and kink are learned behaviors.

    It is quite difficult to change someone else's sexual interests/kink. You can far more easily change your own.

    We all have a basic sex drive that has a biologically based opportuntisic element, monogamy and marriage are socially constructed and in some ways counter-intutitive to our biological drive.
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  6. I wonder if part of the fantasy is knowing that your mate is highly desired? Most people feel some pride and attraction when they see that their partner is desired by many others. Of course, not everybody wants to see their partner have sex with many others. Maybe for some people that feeling is taken to the extreme.
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  7. Possibly Space, though much of the fantasy seems to be focused on that the lover is "better" than the husband. There's a humilation aspect in there.
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  8. Just found your blog, spent the last 3-4 hours reading it, best thing I've found EVER. I will write more later. I'm a natural beta with occasional flashes of alpha. Your blog matches up with a lot of my own explorations through a long term marriage. Just wanted to post on this one; I pretty much have simultaneously been gradually alpha-ing up over the last few years whilst getting into hotwifing fantasy with my wife of over 20 years, I know that sounds strange and contradictory but the fantasy really works better and better as we get older; perhaps it's the increase in tension between the two apparently opposing concepts; quite often I am the secret lover in our fantasy she is responding to. Always looking for more "head job" material! lol doing her head in that is! So it can actually be reinforcing alpha attraction because I am confident enough in her attraction to me to lead her in fantasy even with other lovers. I wonder about a possible evo-psych link with an older "chief" (me) recruiting a younger hunter man to attach to us and provide meat as my own skills in hunting decline...
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  9. I've been reading your blog for a while. As a girl it is fascinating to observe that my boyfriend is a natural alpha, with beta characteristics that I've seen develop over the 3 years we've been together. He doesn't need to read this blog to know how to act like an alpha, he just is, which i find so attractive and amazing. Thanks for such a great blog, keep up the insightful writing.
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  10. I think that you're forgetting that there are two types of MMF -- the beta cuckhold and the Alpha MMF threesome. This is what REALLY turns me on (I'm a woman) -- the idea of my being a sexual plaything for my man, to pass on to his friends, etc. Keep in mind that this is TOTAL fantasy -- no desire to make it real. However, it's also TOTALLY Alpha. And super HOT. And LOTS of women dig it.
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  11. Anon 11:56 - That's more of a fantasy of being pimped isn't it?
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  12. Have you read "Sex at Dawn"? That explains sperm competition in quite a different way from the way you do, and one that makes a lot of sense from an evolutionary perspective. To oversimplify, the best evidence indicates that in human prehistory, sperm competition in humans was largely done INSIDE the female reproductive tract, not outside it. This changes the narrative quite substantially, as you might imagine...
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Thank you for commenting, much appreciated.

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