All marriages have rough spots where things aren't working as well as they could. For the most part this is pretty normal to have ups and downs. It's also not usual to talk about things with an outside person to gain perspective on what's going on in the relationship.
However in the downs be careful about who you confide in about your marriage. If you share things with a female friend, that can turn into a bridge towards an emotional entanglement that diverts energy away from the marriage. Odds are you're not actually going to share this stuff with an unattractive female friend that you have no passing interest in, right...
...yeah I thought so.
Repeat after me... "I never meant for this to happen, we just started talking to each other and one thing led to another and now we're in love. I never meant for this to happen. I'm so sorry." That's your defense line according to the emotional affair script. Use it, live it, love it. You can also use the we're soulmates... line as well.
Likewise if you start sharing the woes with your male friends, that can easily turn into a huge display of weakness. Let's face it, if your wife is halfway attractive all your male friends will have at least a passing natural impulse to have sex with her. Most will have her very much on their radar just through simple propinquity. This is all very normal and expected.
So anyway, if you start spilling the tale of woe to these guys that know your wife and secretly want to screw her, three things can probably happen...
1. They actually respect you and your marriage and give good advice designed to support the marriage and improve things. It's awesome if you can find a friend with ED like this.
2. They offer reasonable advice but basically pump you for information on her and then use those insights to better run their own game on her and try and backdoor on you. To the chump asking for advice, point 2 advice looks just like point 1 advice - it looks helpful.
3. They actively discourage you about marriage and recommend divorce. This eally clears you out of the way and creates the opening with your ex-wife that they "tried talked talking sense into the dumb bastard" and "I'm appalled that he walked out on you", then "can I help you with anything?" which leads naturally to "this going to sound corny but I've always wanted you, I just never made a move because Chump was a friend".
A year later they marry your ex-wife and move into your home. Meanwhile you pay child support and pound your hands on the steering wheel of the car as you watch him flip burgers on your grill in the backyard.
Actually there's an easy progression from point 1 to 2 to 3. I'm not saying they planned it or anything... it all started off as an attempt to help. Remember point 1? That was a real attempt to help except you didn't listen / screwed it up. See somehow it's your fault for being a chump.
So anyway, if you ask your buddy why the hell he stole your wife from you, you know exactly what he'll say... "I never meant for this to happen, we just started talking to each other and one thing led to another and now we're in love. I never meant for this to happen. I'm so sorry."
It actually sounds believable too. It's believable because they really believe it to be true. Though that's small comfort when he's using your grill and she won't shut the hell up about how good his hamburgers are.
The moral of the story is if you want to talk about your marriage with an outside person, find someone that is an objectively disinterested party. That could be a counselor, a mentor, your parents, or an online forum even. Also you can do it as a couple and that creates a united front rather than displaying weakness.
/Irony ON
Or if you must confide in a male friend about your marriage issues, at least talk to one that's completely hopeless and clueless about women and has no helpful advice at all, rather than the friend that understands women, has genuine skill and can charm the pants off nearly anyone.
/Irony OFF
See what I mean? There's not usually a good close male friend option to go to about this stuff.
Or put another way... if you cut your thumb open on a fish hook, would you just hang your arm over the side of the boat and trail your bleeding hand in the water?
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Thank you for commenting, much appreciated.